👩⚕️ An immersive internship
Part 3: Everything is speeding up
⚠️ This is a work of fiction
⚠️ Reproduction and distribution prohibited
Since that discussion with Mom, everything has been accelerating. In less than a week, we bought everything to set up the room intended to welcome a child, but also toys for both inside and outside. We tried to be neutral in the decoration and in the toys, so that we could welcome a girl as well as a boy. I would prefer it to be a boy obviously, but fate will decide.
The enrollment file started to be filled out and Mom asked her acquaintances to write letters for her. They all accepted and we received moving letters. We even cried with Mom when we read them, as they said so many good things about Mom, professionally but also personally, saying that she was taking good care of me. Photos were taken and slipped into this file.
"There's still the part where I have to say if you have a disability," Mom says. Have you changed your mind?
I read that part of the file, and indeed, I understood that it was a huge plus for this file. I also thought a lot about what it would entail for me to wear diapers. At night, it's not a problem apparently because no one will see me. It's really during the day that it could have consequences. I love swimming, I don't know if I will still be able to go.
"I agree Mom, I haven't changed my mind. Like you said, I will see it as an immersive experience."
"Thank you, my darling, for all this."
After a hug, Mom filled out a paragraph explaining that I am incontinent from birth and wear protections. I ask Mom what that is, and she explains that in the medical field it's called that, but it's more commonly known as diapers.
"We're going to buy some this afternoon while shopping. Then we'll go drop off the file at the association."
"Where can you buy them?" I ask.
"At the supermarket, in the diaper aisle."
"Do they have sizes for kids my size?"
"They have diapers for older kids, yes. Matthias' parents must have bought them there. You can also buy them at the pharmacy or at a medical supply store."
"I remember his pack was black," I say, "but I don't know where his diapers were bought."
"They were certainly Drynites he was wearing. I thought of buying you the same thing. They are quite thin and discreet diapers, you'll see. Haven't you seen the advertisement on television?"
"Maybe so, it sounds familiar."
After lunch, we headed to the supermarket where we have been going since we moved into the neighborhood. Fortunately for me, I don't know anyone because I wouldn't have liked to be in the diaper aisle in my old town, where all my friends could have seen me.
"Look," Mom says, pointing the end of the baby diaper aisle, "they're here." I immediately recognize a pack of diapers that I saw at Matthias' place. I used to sleep over at his house regularly, and he didn't hide the fact that he wet the bed. The pack was in the bathroom, placed at the bottom of a shelf, and after we brushed our teeth, he would take out a diaper in front of me before going to the bathroom to pee and put on his diaper. He would come out of the bathroom with his pajama bottoms over his diaper. It was barely visible and made a slight noise when he walked. Sometimes, he would go back to the bathroom before we fell asleep.
This time, it was going to be my turn to wear one, and starting tonight since Mom said we were going to drop off the file after shopping. I'm sure no one will come to check the next day if our file is validated and respects what we wrote, but still, I don't want to take any risks. Anyway, I'll have to start wearing them.
"I think it's this one," I tell Mom, pointing to a pack. It's the one I saw at Matthias'. It's for boys and the version is for kids aged 8 to 15.
"Indeed, it seems to be what we need. I'll just take one pack for now, just to check if it suits you."
"But Mom," I suddenly ask, "do I have to pee in it or can I go to the bathroom?"
As I ask this question, a mom enters the aisle with a little girl. The girl is standing in the cart, holding onto the side.
They are now right next to us, and the mom grabs a pack of diapers with "Pampers" written on it before putting it in the cart. The little girl looks at it and squats down to look at it. I can see that she's probably wearing a diaper because her butt is very full under her leggings.
"Are you okay?" Mom asks me now that they've walked away.
"Yes, yes," I reply. It feels strange to think that I will soon be wearing diapers like this little girl.
"You know, those won't be the same diapers. The diapers of this little girl have side tabs and her mom puts them on her. Yours will be pull-ups, so you will be able to manage it yourself. By the way, if you prefer, we can say protection instead of diapers?"
"No, we can say diapers, it's simpler. Anyway, whatever word is used, it's still diapers. Whatever you want, Loïc. And to answer your question about whether you will have to pee in it, we'll have to discuss that, it might depend on the situation. We'll have to be able to show, at any moment, that you are really incontinent in case of a surprise visit."
"I'll wear something over my diaper?"
"At night you wear your pajamas, and during the day, clothes, of course."
"Okay, but will I still wear underwear?"
"I think you can do what you want. If you feel better with boxers or briefs, you can wear them over your diaper. If you prefer not to wear them, you don't have to. A diaper will act as underwear, you know."
With these words, we put this pack of diapers in the cart, right in the middle of our grocery shopping. Mom usually tries to make us eat balanced, but I think for tonight, she decided not to pay attention and took two pizzas. I think for her, it's a way to thank me for what I'm doing, especially since I will wear a diaper tonight for the first time since I was a baby.
At the cash register, I put the items on the conveyor belt while Mom collects the products once they are scanned by the cashier. I pick up this pack of diapers for the first time, and a shiver runs through my body. It may be the first time, but it will obviously not be the last.
As the cashier scans it, a young woman, maybe 25 years old, looks at it smiling at me. It makes me blush because I know she must have understood that these diapers are for me. She must imagine that I still wet the bed. I also take a look behind me, and I see a girl about my age waiting with her dad to put their groceries on the belt. Through the mesh of their cart, I can see the same pack of diapers as mine, Drynites, but this one is in a girl's version. Our eyes meet, and she smiles at me. She must have also seen my diaper pack go through the conveyor belt. I return her smile before continuing to take the food out of the cart.
Shortly after, we are now putting away the groceries in the car trunk, and I see Mom taking the pack of diapers in a bag before getting into the car.
"Why are you taking the diapers?" I ask, worried as I sit in the front passenger seat.
"We're going to drop off the file at the association, I told you."
"But do I need to wear a diaper for that?"
"I prefer not to take any risks," Mom answers, caressing my cheek.
"If for some reason they had any doubts about your incontinence, we could have done all that work for nothing. I'm talking about the apartment setup but also about you wearing diapers. Do you understand?"
"Yes..." I say still a bit hesitant.
"Do I have to wear one right now?"
"It's preferable, yes. The association is close, we'll park just in front of it to drop off the file at the reception, and then we'll go back home. You can take it off at that time. Alright? Otherwise, if you prefer, I'll take you back home."
"No, it's okay, I'll come with you."
Mom smiles at me and then opens the pack of diapers by tearing it on the top. She takes out a diaper while I take off my shoes and watch her. As I now pull down my shorts, Mom stretches the diaper before running her hand inside.
"It's really like underwear," she says, "it's just thicker."
I understand that Mom is saying this to downplay the situation, even though I know what she's saying is true. If I've seen Matthias' diaper peeking out of his pajama bottoms, I've never really seen one, let alone put one on. Everything is really speeding up.
I now take off my underwear after looking around to make sure no one is passing by. I'm now almost naked next to Mom. I'm not modest, especially not in front of Mom. I even appreciate when she washes me occasionally, it's like a little game between us, and we enjoy this moment of complicity. Mom hands me the diaper, and I take it in my hands. I turn it one way, then another.
"What's the front and the back?" I ask her.
"According to the picture on the pack, the red tabs are at the front."
So I turn it in the right direction and fold one leg to pass it through an opening, then the other. My diaper is now at my knees. Inch by inch, I pull it up along my legs until I have to lift my butt to pull it up to my waist. There, I'm back wearing a diaper after maybe 8 years of not wearing one.
"How do you feel with it?" Mom asks me.
"It's fine," I say.
"It's pretty comfortable, but it's true that it's much thicker than underwear."
"Finish getting dressed and we can leave."
As I put on my underwear over my diaper and then my pants, Mom puts the pack of diapers on the back seat. Shortly after, Mom starts the engine, and we're off. Throughout the journey, I think about my friend Matthias, how he must put on the same diaper every night before going to bed. I wonder if I will dare to talk to him about all this. Mom also warned me that we would have to keep this secret to ourselves because if it became known, it could become very complicated for our file, even after acceptance.
It's the car's engine stopping that brings me back from my thoughts. We're parked in a parking lot of about ten spots, in front of a one-story building. A double swing door allows you to slightly see the shapes of people inside.
"Shall we go?" Mom asks me.
"Are you ready? Will it be okay?"
"Let's go," I say, taking a deep breath before answering.
Mom picks up the file left on the back seat, and I can see the pack of diapers. I really wonder what adventure I am embarking on."
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